The Real Ghosts

One night, Scarpacci is tossing restlessly in his bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Scar asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to be a good citizen?" "Become efficient at separating fact from fiction," Washington advises, and then Washington fades away into other parts of the house, searching for some Polident and furniture polish.

The next night, Scarpacci is lying awake thinking about facts and fiction, and he sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Scar calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best way to separate fact from fiction?" "Respect the soothsayer who has no selfish motives, as I did when I presented my ideas for the construction of our founding documents", Jefferson advises, and dims from sight as he slides toward the refrigerator.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Scarpacci. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Scar whispers, "Franklin, who can I seek who has no selfish motives?" The great man replies "Trust the truly self-sufficient, self-confident man of humility and courtesy. The one who sacrifices his own time for the friendship of others, who lives his life with discretion and who lives the principles he espouses. Follow the example of the citizen who knows what brought our country to greatness, the American who prospects for visions of a bright future and rejects failure...a hero with bravado who can muster the courage to sacrifice and save a civilization. After all, the pinnacle of life itself is survival." Roosevelt then fades into the TV room to watch Oprah.

Scarpacci isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Scar calls out to the faint figure: "Talk with me for a while about saving a country and a civilization, Abe." The lankster replies in a calm, low baritone voice: "A grateful, respectful, humble society will help the less fortunate and disadvantaged rise through their own strengths...just as I did. But, they'll see clearly that charity and humanity are different concepts at odds. Until an entire society understands that, the state will be no better than the doomed Roman Empire...and it will find its own destruction from within." Lincoln continues, "Decide for yourself what's right for and what's wrong for you. Do what is right for you and strive to prevent what is wrong. If others trust you to make decisions for them, act as though they were your own family." "Do you have any honey and corn pone"?

Not being very good at taking this intrusion by strangers, Mrs Scarpacci rolls over and says: "Patch, this stuff has to stop. You keep inviting these psychiatric patients to spend the night, and they're keeping me awake. Tomorrow, you'll probably drag Napoleon Bonaparte in here. If you do, I'm going to hide the food and pull the plug on the TV."